Just had a wonderful evening with the neighbors...They stopped by to say hello and on a whim we invited them for dinner, a fire, and rhubarb-strawberry pie. They couldn't have had better timing.

Dinner was good, pie was delish, and company was fun!

Also, I had a little ego-booster when I read feedback from my professor about my final theory paper, who said I should get it published in a journal!

Good day...

Thoughts on Alma

For my study this morning I read Alma 62 in the Book of Mormon and have some thoughts about the following scriptures.

39And thus ended the thirty and first year of the reign of the judges over the people of Nephi; and thus they had had wars, and bloodsheds, and famine, and affliction, for the space of many years...

...41But behold, because of the exceedingly great length of the war between the Nephites and the Lamanites many had become hardened, because of the exceedingly great length of the war; and many were softened because of their ^aafflictions, insomuch that they did humble themselves before God, even in the depth of humility...

...48And the people of Nephi began to ^aprosper again in the land, and began to multiply and to wax exceedingly strong again in the land. And they began to grow exceedingly rich.

 49But notwithstanding their riches, or their strength, or their prosperity, they were not lifted up in the pride of their eyes; neither were they ^aslow to remember the Lord their God; but they did humble themselves exceedingly before him.

 50Yea, they did remember how great things the Lord had done for them, that he had ^adelivered them from death, and from bonds, and from prisons, and from all manner of ^bafflictions, and he had ^cdelivered them out of the hands of their enemies.

 51And they did pray unto the Lord their God continually, insomuch that the Lord did bless them, according to his word, so that they did wax strong and ^aprosper in the land.

I think of how this scripture applies to my life. I think I've grown significantly in a spiritual aspect over the past year as Gabe and I have been hit with many obstacles and decisions for our family. We've been very humbled with a lot of things, it seems, and continue to be humbled on a daily basis. We are in a position that faith is part of survival right now. We can't afford not to have faith and rely on Heavenly Father for guidance and blessings.

I recognize that we go through these kinds of experiences in order to grow and develop our faith. We strengthen our relationship with God because we are compelled to by our circumstances, like the Nephites were when they were run down by war and bloodshed and famine. Relying on God was a way of life because it provided needed blessings and hope for a better future. That better future came and they prospered, but it was important that they still remembered their relationship with Heavenly Father and gave gratitude and continued to pray for blessings. Who wants only to be loved when something is needed?

Life is good for us right now. We are happy. Much of that is due to the fact that I know Heavenly Father is watching out for us and so I know everything will be good, especially if we are doing our part to follow His guidance. 

We also have many hopes for the future when it comes to having more stability for our family (school done, career, insurance, settled into a permanent home, healthier lifestyle, etc). I know those times will come. But I really hope that our relationship with our Heavenly Father does not go lax because we are not as desperate for blessings. In a way, I would miss these times of hardship because our relationship with God is so central to our life right now. But the challenge is not to have to have hardships in order to have a close and happy relationship with Heavenly Father.  

--um, parenting style clash, anyone?

I've noticed recently the value of keeping adult topics within earshot of adult ears only. Hard to do in a small home where every fart and sniffle is heard by all.  It is quite embarrassing to be with acquaintances or public figures when your child brings up a hugely personal fact, like for instance, family financial information or a controversial personal opinion about said public figure. 

To illustrate: Nate is my foster son who is very much lacking in social skills. For the sake of this blog post, we will just consider him the equivalent of a six-year-old boy, even though he is sixteen.

Example One: Nate is with Gabe on an errand in town and they run into a former coworker about whom Gabe had made very clear his unfavorable opinion while employed at this particular agency. Small talk is unavoidable as Nate recognizes and flags down coworker to say hi. Work topic comes up, and right away Nate shares that Gabe was fired from said employment. Yay.

Example Two: I bring Nate to an initial Pathways appointment where I'm also meeting his foster care worker. Our relationship with the foster care agency has been rough in the last couple months, a fact not hidden in our house. I come into the waiting room after feeding Jahno in the car to hear the tail-end of a conversation Nate has started with his worker about how he hopes we all work out our differences because he knows there's been issues and Gabe doesn't want to work with them anymore, etc, etc (Who knows what else he said?). Because he still hopes to be able to live with us. Way to add your two cents, Nate. 

Example Three: This evening Nate and I made cookies to bring to the neighbors. Our neighbor, who will be having a baby any day now, wanted to walk us down the road. Conversation was mostly dominated by Nate as he broke in with his interpretation of topics we cared about: 

"Last summer we went to Wisconsin Dells"

Jen (our neighbor): "Oh, that's nice, Nate. Did you have fun?"

Nate:  "Yeah, there's an indoor waterpark and an outdoor waterpark."

Jen: "That's neat. Are there any--"

Nate: "There's also amusement parks with rides, but I can't go on any rides because of my seizures."

Jen: "Oh, that's too bad. Briana can't ride a lot of rides because she is so shor--"

Nate: "Yeah, it sucks. But I hung out with my friend Tom and we drank a lot of Gatorade and stayed at the indoor waterpark. We had pizza, too. And went to a sit-down restaurant named Bonanza."

Jen: "----"

Nate: "I liked the pizza."

Jen: "Well, that's good Nate. We hope to get down to Tundra Lodge this year. We asked the kids where they wanted to go and I'm surprised that they all wanted----"

Nate: "We can't go on any vacations this summer..."

I cringe cause I hear this statement as a voiceover for Jen and hope I'm wrong about what's coming next.

"We have too many bills to pay so we can't go anywhere this year."

"Thanks, Nate," I say as Jen comes back with a "Oh, that's okay, Nate. We have bills too with the new baby coming and getting ready and all that so we aren't planning to go anywhere big either." 

I was so embarrassed.

Then it got me thinking how the kids didn't even have to know this information in the first place. But why do they know? 

Gabe. 

It got me thinking further about parenting styles when it comes to openness of family business. Gabe tends to be quite open about family business that I would prefer at times to be kept between us alone.

I grew up in a home where nothing was discussed within earshot that was exclusive adult business (although I did a fair share of eavesdropping as a teenager). This included finances, opinions, marriage ruts, problems of other family members, tentative life-changing decisions, etc. As a kid, a) did I understand the depth of what was being discussed? No. And b) did I even want to know what was going on? Aside from mere curiosity, no. I was perfectly content worrying about my own little egocentric world as a high-schooler. I had my own problems. And if I seriously knew what was going on I ran the risk of misunderstanding the situation enough to completely stress out over how my life was going to be affected. So I think it was better not to know.

Do I think Gabe would agree?

I'm not sure. 

He's one to be up front and honest about things, and not cloak reality. So maybe he would want the boys to know what is going on at all times because it would help them behave better or know what to expect.

Yet kids will interpret adult conversation and terminology on a completely different level.

They hear us discuss money and they are afraid to ask for five dollars to go have fun with their friends because "we are poor." We are not poor, we just don't have money to spend on certain luxuries, but we do have money to meet our needs and then some for a little fun. And that is all that's needed to be happy. I don't want our kids growing up thinking they are "poor."

Maybe that's why I never heard my dad discuss finances once in my entire life. I knew we were frugal, but I wouldn't have considered myself poor. 

On the other hand, I had no concept of money whatsoever. I did not know what it took to run a household or live on my own. I learned, but I might have benefitted from knowing what was coming.      

I think Nate means well, but geez, it'd be a lot nicer if he didn't have a clue sometimes. Because he really doesn't have a clue.

Things I'm happy about today

I'm so proud of Felipe. He gave a talk for the first time in church today. Meaning he stood up at a pulpit in front of a hundred people to give a message about a topic he really knows very little about, but was willing to share what he has learned. Nevermind that he got the topic wrong (Brother LeVeque began the meeting by saying that the topic was on "reverence" when we had spent the week preparing a talk on "revelation" Oops). He did awesome. After sacrament meeting Dr. Winn came up to me to get the okay for Felipe to be called as the first counselor in the teacher's quorum presidency.

Gabe mentioned the other day how much Felipe has changed, and how we must support him with that. He reflected on the changes he made at Felipe's age with getting into the church and how he had so much support from Church Lady (as he calls her). Having the gospel completely changed Gabe's life for the better. We are now that support for Felipe. I'm very proud of how he's taken hold and making that "leap of faith" with this church and gospel. I know it will benefit him for the rest of his life and after; the decisions he is making now will affect himself and countless others as he decides what kind of person he wants to be and what kind of life he wants to live. This is one huge reason why Gabe and I wanted to do foster care for these boys, essentially putting off our own life pursuits in the meantime. Four years of providing a stable home during these crucial years will do more for these boys than anything else will for the rest of their lives. It's a small sacrifice considering the gravity of what these boys need during this time of "moulding," which is literally the last chance to make an impression. 

I see raising kids as having two chances: once when they are small and another chance right as they are learning to be independent individuals and have the ability to choose who they want to be. Both opportunities provide the highest likelihood of accepting beneficial change.

"O, remember, my son, and learn wisdom in thy youth; yea, learn in they youth to keep the commandments of God." Alma 37:35

I also have been lovin' my little lovins today---Jahno is SO CUTE. Lately his voice has been hoarse. I don't know why that is. He sounds as if he's been crying for three hours straight even though he rarely cries. But he does fancy high-pitched shrieks and squeals more than most babies, I think (from listening to too much James Brown and Led Zepplin?) Is this the beginning of a Rod-Stewart-esque trademark? Should his nickname be Rasp? I just hope he's not suffering from some bizarre form of vocal cord degeneration disease or something. Yet it is just so stinkin' cute anyway.

Mid-year's resolutions

Gabe and I are GREAT at making goals for ourselves. Just don't ask us if we finish them. The point is that we stay motivated and don't get discouraged when we find we don't follow through. For every ten goals we set, I think we genuinely follow through on maybe three. But that three feels wonderful.

One idea that came to mind was training for a race with Felipe and Nate (and even Bubbas aka Jahno aka John). Why not? I think that would really be something we'd remember doing together. I think Nate definitely has the stubbornness to do it. Felipe I'd have to prod a little once running everyday got old, but I think he would do it, too. I always thought my high school cross country coach was so lame when he talked big and deep about the sport. But now I do see all the lessons that can be learned with distance running. I wonder when the next local race is? 

--Aaaannnd, maybe I should rethink my diversionary objects for diaper-changing?
I'm running out of ideas.

Any tricks for keeping a squirmy squim on his back for a couple minutes so as not to douse the house in excrement?

What about feeding tips? Right now the score is Baby 10--Mommy 2. I celebrate with the touchdown sign each time I get a well-aimed spoonful into Jahno's mouth because he will not open up. Will this kid ever eat normal food???

On the bright side, it's a way to keep him quiet while Gabe catches up on sleep.

Perfection is...

A quiet evening after everyone is in bed and I'm still awake watching my baby fall asleep on my lap. 

Then after awhile hearing him suddenly laugh in his sleep. I wonder what he dreams about?

Two seizures

Today I decided to take Nate out with me. One thing Gabe has mentioned a couple times is how I don't do much with the boys. Sure, I do a lot for them, but I don't tend to go out of my way to share activities with them. I'm usually doing cooking, doing stuff around the house, homework, or taking care of Jahno.

So today Nate and I left early to go to his appointment in town because I wanted to stop at Kohls to get the boys some new dress shirts and to get his glasses adjusted. 

On the way, I talked to Nate about his family. This never really happens because I always side-step the topic but I decided to see what he had to say about them. It was weird hearing him talk about his brother and sisters like he knew them (seeing as he hasn't spoken with anyone since he was seven years old). I learned that he has three younger siblings (Aaron, Breana, and Christina--who he taught to say "I--Love--You" when he was seven and she was five). And three older siblings: Victoria, Elizabeth, and Tiffany. Tiffany is my age. He is only one of two boys in his family. And his two younger siblings are living with his maternal grandmother, as far as he knew. 

It's enlightening to just give your undivided attention to somebody.

The topic then went on to other things, as if we had been talking about school before chatting about what we were going to do this summer. Later, we had his appointment at Pathways for an initial assessment for services. I was quite impressed with him, to be honest. He showed a maturity I'm not familiar with in the way he expressed himself about his issues and past. This could be because he simply wanted to impress his audience of three inquiring and somewhat sympathetic adults. He impressed me, which probably was unintended. 

I had to step out for a few minutes to feed Jahno and shortly after I came back, Nate had a seizure in the office. I was annoyed. Here I was burning up in that stuffy office, a cranky-tired and squirmy baby on my hip, my phone kept vibrating, my mounds of mommy-debris all over the place, and a clipboard filled with paperwork I had to somehow fill out one-handed in the next ten minutes before I booked it to my final exam. And Nate has a seizure, which I knew he brought on himself. Oh, well. I wanted to cry by the time I left that place, knowing I would be--once again--late to class with my mind elsewhere. 

Gabe had driven into town to do the switcheroo, and I told him about the seizure before I got into my car. I knew he would ask Nate about it right away. 

I rushed off, but on second thought called Gabe to tell him how well Nate did during the appointment. I didn't want his seizure to ruin the positives. Gabe had talked with Nate already, who had admitted (only after one denial) that he did bring the seizure on himself for the attention. And we were happy that he admitted to it. Making progress. I felt good all of a sudden. Still a little shaken up and tired, but good.

Later tonight, however, Nate had another seizure--this one I'm not so sure he bargained for because Gabe said it was the worst one he'd ever seen (or heard, seeing as he was downstairs with Jahno). We are pretty sure Nate bounced his face off the kitchen table.

The beginnings of a sweet shiner:

So much for adjusted glasses.