Last Sunday...

I was sitting in Church on the back pew scrunched between my hubby and my two foster sons with a bouncy squirrelly baby on my lap. The usual.

I really try to listen, but it seems like Jahno always steals the show. With Gabe, Nate, and Felipe intently looking at Jahno's every move and giving him their full attention and range of facial expression, it was really hard to get anything out of sacrament meeting. Honestly, I was getting annoyed. Not that I don't think Jahno is worthy of every look and smile that comes his way, but I think there is a time and place to make obnoxious baby noises and faces, even if it is under your breath.

I think maybe it's a guy thing.

I asked Gabe to take Jahno out so the likelihood of the entire back half of the chapel paying attention to the wonderful talks being given would rise significantly. Gabe likes spending this time with him, anyway.  

As I was self-righteously trying to get back to listening to the speakers, I couldn't help but look over again out the door toward the side foyer area, where Gabe had taken Jahno. Another first-time father named Andrew, whose son Hudson is the same age as Jahno, had also taken his son out and so both Gabe and Andrew were eagerly watching their sons interact with each other. All four of them were sitting on the floor. 

I looked next to me at Felipe and Nate watching them (because of course it was more interesting watching two nine-month olds going at it than watching a person talking at the pulpit). I realized this was actually a very beautiful moment. Here were two men who looked at their baby sons like they were the world, and just genuinely enjoying their interactions with each other, each man probably secretly thinking his son was the best one because of such-and-such a reason.

Each man really loved his son and was enjoying fatherhood. Each was in Church on Sunday, doing the normal family thing. Knowing they could be with their families forever.

Then I see Felipe. I wonder if he thought of his own father then? I wonder if he thought of his future children or family? I thought the same with Nate.

I hope they remember this moment. Maybe someday they will realize how important this little glimpse of happiness, this truth, is. For them.

Last night Gabe and I were sitting on our bed. We had a small moment of down-time between dinner and helping kids with homework. Gabe was being cute by leaning over to hug me and kiss my shoulder. Then out of the blue he used my back to stifle an enormous burp.

He attempted another nuzzle, but seeing as I was appalled, I pulled away, telling him he had lost "being romantic" privileges for ten minutes.

I realized my mistake immediately.

"Really?" he jumped off the bed, "Haha, I don't have to be romantic! Freedom for ten minutes!!! I'm going downstairs, then!"

He then proceeded to show off his coin-slot on the way out the door toward the basement, where he could find some manly sports channel to watch. "HeeheheHeeehehe!" If he could have mustered up more burps and even pushed out a fart or two, his ten minutes would have been even more advantageous.

I love my husband.  

My Wardrobe Has Regressed

It hit me a minute ago as I closed myself into a university bathroom stall before class. 

I hung my bushy-hooded coat up on the hook with my Jansport backpack and as I looked down I realized anew that I am frumpy.

It's been a creeping suspicion of mine for awhile, now.

I 'd like to think this development began with pregnancy, when my clothing options consisted of stretchy pants and t-shirts.

Yet honestly I can't say that was the beginning of my fashion degradation. 

I recall a turning point being when I moved in with Gabe for the first time after we were married. We ran off to Chicago to get married over Spring Break at the beginning of March. When we returned, we both still were tied to an apartment lease for the remainder of the semester. Scratch the word "apartment," insert "room." We each had one room we were renting in different houses. 

To make things simple, I moved into Gabe's room at his house. Which meant I just brought over my scriptures and enough clothes to fit into his middle dresser drawer. If I needed anything else I could  walk the five minutes to my house. To my surprise, it was refreshingly easy working with no options. In the morning I wore one of two pairs of jeans and one of five t-shirts. Nothing fancy or complicated. Nothing that took any thinking or creativity. Just pure function. It was great. In addition to this, Gabe was not a good influence on me; to this day he only owns one good pair of jeans. 

I  have since justified my fashion attitude of straight practicality and comfort by my more aesthetically pleasing feminine characteristics, like long hair and a good shape.

I had no lack of confidence in my appearance. Heck, I  love the look of a good t-shirt . 

But now it's time for a change, I think. I find I 'm feeling quite plain lately.  I remember when I felt hot the majority of my week, no matter what I wore. I liked having the control over my appearance potential. I knew I could pretty up real nice, but I just chose natural most of the time so as to have the power to switch it up every once in awhile, like for church. Then, the change would get more attention for the effort I'd put into my appearance. Why put in so much effort all the time for minimal appreciation? The worst would be for people to take for granted your hard-earned beauty. 

However, I don't believe Gabe would ever do this. He tells me I'm hot and beautiful everyday all day.

I could be dressed in anything--or nothing--makeup or no makeup, hair nice or hair a psoriasis-infested mess. Doesn't matter, he always appreciates my looks both vocally and with kisses.

And he is the one I want to look good for. 

Is this why my wardrobe has regressed?

Have I just gotten lazy?

Really, I think it's up to me. What I feel good wearing. What makes me feel pretty and IF I want to feel pretty. 

What has spurred this post? With the gradual realization of my frumpiness, I am leaning toward a new haircut as a way to inspire some changes. I have it scheduled for tomorrow. I hope it goes well!